My Aunt's Come to Visit
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Since the theme of my life happens to be fertility and all things related, I've been thinking a lot about what we're told as young girls about our bodies and menstrual cycles. What I'm finding is that even though I had a very liberal and open mother, I was given the bare minimum of information. Looking back, the most important thing I gleaned from what was taught to me was that period equals not pregnant.
In fact, thinking back, I was never told about my period before mine started. Mine came at a very early age. I was 9 years old and in the shower at my Grandparents when the cramps and bleeding started. I looked down and saw the blood and, terrified, ran screaming out of the bathroom with a towel thrown around me. I thought I was dying. I was in shock and frightened. I remember standing there like a drowned rat, crying. Instead of calmly explaining what was happening to me, my Grandmother grabbed my arm and whisked me away, out of the sight of my Grandfather. I was shushed and told very little, other than this was "normal" and that I was acting like a "big baby". The implications were clear; I had subjected my Grandfather to shame and embarrassment, what was happeing to me was "dirty" and not for the eyes of men. I was given a box of "sanitary napkins" and a belt, no doubt stashed away by my Grandmother after her last period sometime in the early 70s. This was 1981. When I went home to my Mother's house, I was so ashamed that I couldn't tell her. I didn't even know what to call it, anyway, or how to broach the subject.
I hid my period from her for 4 years. If she ever caught on, I never knew. It was just simply never talked about. Not until it was the "right" time.
While cruising Beliefnet today, I came across this gem of a question:
How might it have been different for you if, on your first menstrual day, your mother had given you a bouquet of flowers and taken you to lunch, and then the two of you had gone to meet your father at the jeweler, where your ears were pierced, and your father bought you your first pair of earrings, and then you went with a few of your friends and your mother's friends to get your first lip coloring; and then you went, for the very first time, to the Women's lodge, to learn the wisdom of women? How might you be different?
-Judith Duerk, Circle of Stones
I think that what a young girl is told about her period, how her body works, determines the value she places on her body and sexuality. I believe that at the very least, I would have had the tools and knowledge to potentially make my teenage and young adult years a much better time than I had.
It's a provocative question. The deeper I get into trying to conceive, the more I learn what I don't know about how women's bodies work. I'm learning that there are so many variables. There so many things that I'm now learning at 35, that I wish they would have told me.
posted by Christine Hammond @ 12:30 PM,
2 Comments:
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At 5:13 AM,
Christine said...
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Even with my boys (especially with them!) I am trying to demystify the woman's body. Had it not been for the odd hour she was born, Tyler was supposed to be in the room. Both of them have seen the birth videos, and Henry already knows that Mommy bleeds every month, and it's normal. I sometimes worry that I'm doing too much, but it feels right!
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At 3:22 PM,
Christine Hammond said...
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I think that's wonderful! It's funny what boys grow up not knowing, too. J had no idea that ovulution happened at a specific time. He thought he egg just kind of hung out waiting all month.
